Our Story (part one)

Today (June 17) is a really, really special day.  It marks the anniversary of what started the wonderful, hilarious, crazy love story that brought my husband and dearest friend to me.  Our story wasn't planned, wasn't expected, wasn't perfect...but I really love it the way it is.  It fits us perfectly, and it's a testimony of the grace of the living God, and how He knows us better than we know ourselves.

But I have to give you a little Jen history first, 1) because history is important in every story and 2) since our Creator is such a good Author in everything He does, there are details that make the rest of the story so much better. :)

Every girl has a plan...
I think nearly every single girl who looks forward to falling in love usually has a mental picture of how they would like it to happen, right?  Maybe they pre-plan or picture little details like: he has to ask her Dad's permission to pursue/marry her. He has to have a job and a plan!  He has to be tall, he has to be older than her, he has to love Christ, and so on.

Like most, I had a plan with expectations. 
I had read the courtship books, set my standards high, knew my "list" of deal-makers and deal-breakers;
I had the purity ring, I had the godly Dad with a .22...
I mean, didn't that make me Swiss-Army-Super-Fetching-wife potential? 
I thought all that was CODE for the perfect, instant, courtship, engagement and marriage package.

On top of all that, I truly desired to fill my season of singleness with my God--knowing Him, loving Him, serving Him, and ministry/mission work wherever I could.  In the back of my mind, I figured "the one" would come when I was in my spiritual prime--when my relationship with God and my life were "full".

God always has a better one.
Singleness is such a bittersweet season.  Sweet because during that time, I fell deeply in love with my Abba; it tested my love and trust in Him in amazing ways.  There's truly a richness to a season, or a lifetime, of singleness wholly devoted to Christ.  Of course any life wholly devoted to Christ is beyond rich, but singleness just has a different richness. :)

It's crossed my mind to write a book about "what the courtship books didn't tell me."  Because nothing ever happened like I had once hoped or expected...

My first courtship was very near engagement, but it ended in heartbreak and bitter feelings.  It was a scenario that "should have been" perfect.  The guy grew up in a family like mine, with similar upbringings and similar dreams.  Soon though, something simply "wasn't right" and I began to realize that the situation wasn't as perfect as I had thought.  My Jane Austen expectations were dashed.

2 years later, my second courtship was with Craig.  It lasted a month, and we both agreed that it was the best relationship both had ever been in; full of mutual respect and Christ-centered intentions.  But hopes were deferred again when we realized we had differing theologies.  We ended it on good terms, but soon lost contact.

A few months following, my third relationship attempt had so many reasons why it needed to end; we weren't on the same page about many things, standards being one of them.  But differing theology was what made the final decision.  That relationship ended bitterly, 5 months before Craig came back into the picture.

By now, I felt spiritually numb--in NO way ready for a godly relationship, according to my own standards.  My spiritual unhealthiness was partly due to the last relationship, and a general idleness and idolotry I'd brought upon myself.
I distinctly remember being curled up in a ball on my closet floor sobbing, more heartbroken about my heart being invested in vain yet again, and worn out from relationship attempts altogether.  I never dated casually--all of it was full-heart-investments with prayer and careful consideration.  So each one seemed to completely crush any hopes.  I pleaded with God to either let the next man be my husband, or close all opportunities/desires completely.

Little did I know that in a few short months I would be engaged to a wonderful, godly man, and married to him in less than a year.  I'm so very thankful that my Abba Father has higher ways, and higher thoughts, than I...
(to be continued)

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

Something about my mama...

I've been thinking about my Mom alot lately, and more particularly something about her that I love.  I don't know if it comes to mind because I'm becoming a Mom myself?  Or because I'm super hormonal? :)  No matter what it is that keeps triggering me to think about this particular thing my Mother does, I just can't ignore that I've thought about it ALOT lately.

And it makes me tear up, usually while I'm putting away loads of laundry or washing a ton of dishes.

What is this thing that my Mother does?

Or rather, this thing that she seems to NEVER do?

Complain.

I truly never hear my Mom complain.
Anything from murmuring and grumbling, to full blown I-hate-the-world complaints--I never hear her utter them.  (She may very well do it, I just can't recall a single instance!)
Is this something she prays against daily? 
Is it something she's convicted by? 
Does she try her darndest NOT to do it?
I have no idea, I've never asked her.

The example that keeps coming to mind always happened when I was slacking in my responsibilities at home.  If it was my responsibility to wash the piles of dishes, yet in the sink they sat...and they sat...and they sat...eventually I would finally come to an empty sink and every dish washed.  Mom would do them.
When I would apologize, without an ounce of bitterness or sarcasm she would say something like, "It's okay, sweetie--don't worry about it."  Ouuuch?
Even when I fully deserved to have those dishes thrown back in my face at a later date, she never ever mentioned them.
If I let the dirty hamper sit too long, she would carry them to the washroom.
If I left the living room a disaster when it was my turn to clean it, she would clean it.
If I left dinner half-cooked, she would finish it.
Never a complaint was uttered, and it was never used for leverage against me later.

Most hardcore Moms, myself included, would think that would have made me lazy and prone to let others do work for me if I waited long enough.  That could have very-well happened, but thankfully it left a lifelong impression on me.  Instead of leaving her to do the work for me, it made me want to work harder, complain and procrastinate less, and even joyfully pick up where others may be slacking. (still working on this...:D )

Lately when I look at...

my piles of laundry,

my piles of dishes,

my grocery list,

my scummy bathroom,

my need to organize...

I think of Mom with thankful tears.  She literally has ten times more than I do (7 kids!), and is doing her best without complaints...and possibly for the siblings of mine that are slacking today.

Mom certainly isn't perfect--she actually feels like a failure most of the time.  She doesn't always get everything done, her house isn't always spotless, and her lists aren't always tackled.  So I hope this doesn't give you that Proverbs 31 guilt, cause it doesn't for me. :)  But next time I look at that sink of dishes, I'm a little more thankful for them...and it makes me pray I can learn not to complain when I do my best, and pass that on to my little ones too. :)

The rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.
2. Write seven things about yourself.
3. Pass on to seven other bloggers.
4. Tell the seven awardees of their award! :)

Thank you Miss Chloe at tryin' to throw my arms around the world for TWO awards!  Chloe is an expecting Mama, wife to a law-student and a passionate Jesus-lover/runner/blogger.  She also faithfully checks my blog on her roll, even when she knows I haven't posted anything new in months.  I heart her looooots.
We will tackle one award at a time, since I'll need something to blog about next time.  Am I clever?  Well lets not get carried away...:)

[1] The real reason I haven't blogged much.
With a relationship, engagement and marriage within a 5 month period, I haven't lacked for subject matter--and I still would like to share some fun details that are dear to my heart very soon.  But to be honest, friend, I've not been in a good spiritual season of late. I can't explain it wholly, nor know what the Lord is trying to teach me here.  I DO know that the health of my relationship with my Abba affects EVERYTHING.  It affects my perspective, my marriage, my desires, my job, my friendships--and yes, it even affects the way I blog. :)  I'm praying for God's grace to grow more healthy in whatever ways that glorify Him most.

[2]  I really, really love this man.

He is a blessing from God that I never expected this year.

My journey to Prince Charming wasn't perfect in the slightest--even though I'd practiced purity, read the books, did the courtships, etc.  I'm just so thankful that God does EVERYTHING the way HE wants to.

[3]  The Mr. and I live in a university campus Ministry Building as the live-in custodians--we think it's a pretty sweet deal, and we're praying for any opportunities God has for us to serve there (other than clean the bathrooms, but we hope to glorify God in that too!).

[4]  I MADE A BOOK LIST.  -gasp-

I used to love making yearly book lists, and scratching one off each time I closed a cover.  But I stopped two years ago in protest to all the marshmellow fluff they package in the genre "Christian" and sell.  It's ridiculous the stuff they shelf in the name of my Savior.  But now that I've cooled down, with thanks to a husband that knows his stuff and recommends sound books, you can check out my new book list here. :)

[5]  I heart Lo Mein.  Like, not even kidding, I want a plate of it right now.

[6]  First first book I've finished from my list is one I highly recommend, friend.  It's a little coffee-table-style, simple (yet heavy) overview of the Gospel.  Why I love it so much is it wasn't a overview of the Gospel for me to SHARE with others...it's an overview for ME, to be reminded of the Gospel I heard and believe.  There's a difference, though there shouldn't be. :)

The Cross Centered Life: Keeping the Gospel The Main Thing
--C.J. Mahaney

and [7]

If you haven't caught the cat-out-of-the-bag on Facebook yet...

Even when you tell only a few, there's always a chance of an information leak. :)

[in case you can't tell, those are plus signs.]

It's still so very early yet, which is why we wanted to keep it under wraps for awhile.  But maybe with more people knowing now, more can pray with us--which we request sincerely. :)

Since I've been awful with blogging faithfully, I haven't any idea on who to award and definitely don't think I could pick seven others.  Boohoo.  So if you read this post--thank you---and you've just been awarded by Jen :D

Spelling cont...

Nearly four months later, here I am. ;)  While skipping through the alphabet, I hope to share some things that have kept me insanely busy...

M is for Mark Schultz.  I thank God, and thank Mr. Schultz for coming to my area for a concert on June 17th.  Without that concert, I wouldn't have agreed to go see him with a friend who wanted to catch up.  Two months after catching up found me engaged to that dear friend. :)
[You can read a breeze-through of our story at weddingwire.com/craigandjennifer]

N is for nursing, again.  After receiving my CNA, and going through one crazy semester of generals that were required for the nursing program, I've felt led to change my major to Education.  How's that for stereotypical college student???

O is for ohhhhh, God is so good.  Those words aren't flippantly spoken from a girl who is on cloud nine and has everything together. They're spoken from lips that are typically Overwhelmed and Oh-so-often standing in the need of God's grace, which He offers consistently...which is why He is oh so good.

P is for prayer.  Dear friend, it's fast, free, and the rewards are priceless.  We Americans are all about things like that.  But this is something I've struggled to take advantage of to it's highest potential.  I'm praying to be better at that.

Q is for quite a year.  It's weird to think we just have a couple weeks leff of it.  Mine has been FULL, and I don't merely mean my schedule.  It's been FULL...of blessings, of difficulty, of lessons, and of grace.  Has yours been Quite a year?

R is for reading.  Something I've missed dreadfully.  I used to keep updated book lists, and check them off after each book was finished.  I would read books with friends and we'd discuss them--which was so good for fellowship and retaining what was read!  But I haven't been able to do more than a here and there, which is why I needed to put down the Bible Retreat after Psalms. :(  I hope married-life will be paced enough to be immersed in books again.

S is for SWAT, the youth ministry I've been involved in for over two years.  I was one of the few who started SWAT as a small youth group Bible study, and I have seen so many students come and go since then.  All of them have taught me so much, and have become precious to me in cool ways.  I've decided to no longer volunteer with the youth once I'm married--which will be difficult, as much as it will be good for me. :)

T is for True Princess.  For the last six weeks I will be helping with SWAT, I started the Lifeway Bible study True Princess: Embracing Humility in an All-About-Me world with the girls.  This has been one of the best student studies I've found in a long time.  It's rich with the Word, very deep and challenging!  We started a tradition of having tea with the study each week, and we've been going to our local nursing home to do manicures for the ladies there.  It's been amazing. :)

U is for unexpected plans.  If you just skip back a few blog posts, you'll see that even 5 months ago, marriage wasn't even on the horizon of my mind (look at what I had to say about my relationships on my About this Jen page, haha).  I had come out of a difficult relationship early this year, and if anything, I was ready to commit to a lifetime of singleness and servitude. :)  But lo and behold, I'm so sincerely grateful that I have a Father who knows me so well.  His plans for me aren't copies of anyone else's life and plans--they're just for me, and for me to trust Him with.

V is for very scatterbrained.  I think my brain only knows one mode, and it's THAT one.

W is for wedding, which is on New Year's Day 2011.  One of the reasons we chose that day is thanks to Chloe...she blogged about her wedding on July 4th, and the perks of always having your anniversary off.  Since Craig and I will be in school for awhile and working ALOT, it would be nice to have our anniversary on a holiday between semesters. :)

X is for...not very many things. Including this line, haha.

Y is for why are there so many letters in the alphabet? Y is for I can't think of anything for this one either.

Z iz for zuppa, vich iz veady.
And I'm hungry, because my Mom has be on a "your wedding dress doesn't zip and you have two weeks" diet.  Ahem.

Women of Faith blog series...

Melinda at Abounding in Hope invited me to join her Women of Faith blog series that begins this week.  The series will be featuring rich and famous real, everyday women who have it all together love Christ, who have trials, imperfections, and long to live out their faith genuinely.  I was incredibly blessed by her questions, and I really look forward to what the other ladies will be sharing.  I have a feeling there will be rich blessings from this series, please check it out and comment when you stop by. :)

May Flowers

They say April showers bring May flowers...but I don't think we can credit the showers for THESE Flowers!...

Summer 2009

Tomorrow my home will be graced with my dear, LeAnna "FlowerMama" and Q--from Thoughts n Whatnots!  If you are a follower of LeAnna, you probably can guess this is a precious one.  I've been so blessed to call her one of my dearest sister-friends, and have been able to since she was 16 and I was 15 (I was also honored to a bridesmaid in her wedding to B!).

Spring 2004                                Fall 2006

This girl has seen me through thick and thin--circumstances, spiritual warfare, heartbreak, etc.  If I had something to cry about, LeAnna cried with me.  If I had something to pray about, oh my did LeAnna pray with and for me.  She and I have struggled in the friend-department at certain seasons in our life; we were homeschooled, poor things.  Apart from "no social life" (sarcasm) good, sturdy friends were always hard to come by.  Some friends have come, and some have gone--but I'm sure thankful that I still have her, and I have a certainty in my heart that I always will.

PLUS...have you noticed she has me a DARLING nephew?! (and one on the way, yay!)

She is also bringing her Bro and Sis, and they will be staying FIVE whole days.  Oh my, I'm so excited.

It's just what the doctor ordered for me.  It's been an exciting/interesting/difficult year so far, and a visit from my Banana Bread in the middle of it is going to be good.  JUST sayin'.

Healing

Continued...

From my last post, you now know how hurt and skeptical I was going into Passion--almost so much that I was afraid my heart would be hardened and closed to what God could possibly have for me.  But how did I know it was God and not the devices of man?

At Passion 2010, I found myself alongside 22,000 college students.  Do you picture that number?  Google a crowd of that many people, or search for a picture of Passion 2010.  That's a masses of people (they couldn't even fit us all in one arena--they had two!)  Our group talked about how surely Atlanta didn't know what hit them, because literally thousands of college students were walking down it's streets, all going the same direction.

Passion encouraged  us to be a 268 Generation, based on Isaiah 26:8...
"Yes Lord, walking in the way of Your laws, we wait for You;
Your name and renown are the desire of our hearts."

When that Scripture was read, the mass of people roared with agreement--the name and renown of the God we serve was the desire of our hearts.  I was standing in the midst of people who desired to know and serve God.  Yet even all the way down to my small group of seven, there were diverse doctrines and beliefs.  In 22,000 people there was bound to be differences....we're human.

One of my favorite parts of Passion was called "Do Something Now"--they presented dozens of needs from dozens of places around the world.  Sponsoring children with AIDS in Mozambique, shipping Bibles to the unreached in Asia, funding cleft palette surgeries for children in Afghanistan, translating the Bible in languages it wasn't in yet, funding underground seminary in the Middle East, help with an education center for the Dalit people (outcasts) of India, Clean water in Guatemala, building border outposts to catch sex traffickers in Nepal, volunteer time to package meals to ship around the world, and even sponsoring children from various places.
Our gifts could be as little as we had, $25, $100?  Whatever the Lord led us to give, we gave with our whole heart.  They also asked every student to bring was a towel and a package of socks for the homeless shelters of Atlanta.
Louie Giglio shared about Christians, and how when we come together, we are a force for good--for God's glory.  How could we all flock to Atlanta as God's people, and not do something for someone else in Jesus' name?  Can you imagine the story--that 22,000 Christians came and brought towels and socks with them--for the forgotten of Atlanta?  As individuals, there's only so much we can do, but together, we can accomplish so much.  You want to know what happened with the opportunities around the world listed above?  Check THIS out, then praise God! :)

Where I expected to be hurt yet again by doctrinal diversity, I experiened healing.  Where I was afraid to hear doctrine, I heard the Word of God.  And where I was afraid I couldn't fellowship with people because I couldn't embrace their theology...I took the hand of my Calvinist, Arminian, (insert theology here) brothers and sisters, and together we saw the need of the hurting around the world and could do something together in Jesus' name.
Don't get me wrong--I read the Word and pray to be taught truth through His Word.  But now I have skepticism and fear peace, because where there are humans, there will be diversity.  Where there are human minds, there will be human points of view.  And if there wasn't going to be, the Apostles wouldn't have faced it, nor taught us what to do when we do.  Check out the entire letter to the Galatian church. :)  Check out Romans 14.  1 Corinthians 3...and others.

I believe there is One Way.  One Truth.  One Life.  And He is the only One way to God.  If your faith is in Him--if you are living under His grace because of His Cross, desire His name and renown, if you want to love Him with all your heart--you are my brother or sister in Christ.  The greatest commandment ever given--the one that fullfills the law--is to love.  Jesus said it would be by our love (not embracing the same theology) that the world will know we are His (John 13:34-35).

I'm still learning. :)

Louie Giglio asked people to stand for different blessings--spiritual awakening, acceptence of Christ in their lives for the first time, and other things.  He asked anyone to stand if they had received healing of any kind during Passion.
With tears of peace (finally), I stood. :)

Wounded...

A whole month after Passion 2010, here I am clacking to tell you all the good things that happened that week.  Before I can give you the full story of what God revealed to me, I have to give you a little 2009 history...cause it just makes the story better. :)

For me, 2009 was the year of spiritual wounding.
Ever had a season like that?
In my life, I've never experienced so many different Christian doctrines and diversity in such a short amount of time as I did last year.  The things that believers of Christ argue over, stand upon, preach, judge others for, or claim as Scriptural truth etc, are enough to either make you rejoice, make you sick to your stomach, make you weep, or make your blood boil.  Last year was ALOT of all of that for me.  Either I couldn't embrace one's doctrine, or I couldn't embrace their way of presenting it (even if it was sound).  I believe that a person can be wrong with the way they are right? (even me).

Because of this attack on truth for me, my heart was broken and I began to grow petrified to read the Word.  What if MY interpretation was wrong?  How could I even assume I understand the things of God?  I was now skeptical of what I was taught, of any preacher, any speaker, any song, any article, etc. 
Even ones that I once gleaned truth from, I was afraid to listen to anymore.  Walking into a Christian bookstore was out of the question for me!  There's so many teachers, authors, speakers, music--all claiming the truth of God, but all saying (some enforcing) something different.  I never felt swayed by any of them, but I was deeply wounded by it all. 
All I held on to was WHO I knew my God was/is...not what people told me, but who He had proven Himself to be already.  I just knew that He is truth, and if I could ever only utter that explanation for anything, I would be okay.

Because of this, I was also afraid of Passion.  I went into it fearful of the speakers, and of the heart of the conference.  I wondered if it would be commercialized, showy, fake, and full of even more wounding diversity and doctrine.  I went into it praying for truth; to see God, even if my heart was hardened.  I very nearly backed out and didn't go.  But I am very thankful that I didn't. :)

To be continued...

"I want you to know, brothers, that the gospel I preached is not something that man made up.  I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it; rather I received it by revelation from Jesus Christ..."

--Paul (Galatians 1:11-12)

On Captivity...and Hope

A few things really blessed me today, my friend...

I sat down to blog, but nothing was coming. I had thoughts about flipping the calendar yet again, and Thanksgiving afterthoughts--but writer's block was keeping them secure, wherever they were. So...I closed out Blogger yet again, letting another day go without posting. ;)

But then I actually flipped my calendar.
My calendar is from The Challenge Farm, a mission/refuge-home in Kenya, Africa. They offer a Christian home, education, food and care to children as an alternative to living on the streets. Each month has pictures of the children, the staff alongside them, and Swahili words/phrases.
It tugs at your heart, let me tell you.
Lord willing, I may join a small team to minister at Challenge in the summer of 2010. I am extremely humbled at even the thought! I will keep you posted on this. ;)

THEN...I logged into Twitter, and learned that December 1st is World Aids Day. So I Googled it. There are HIV/AIDS statistics all over the web today, and all of them are heartbreaking. Here are just a couple of my findings...
--Africa has (estimated) 14 million children orphaned by HIV/AIDS.
--A regional estimate for 2008 said that world-wide there was 33.4 million adults & children living with HIV/AIDS...22.4 million were in sub-saharan Africa.

Pastor's message on Sunday was about hope. He shared that alot times we put pressure on hope, and not Whom we hope in. He used a clip from the movie The Tale of Despereaux, and this quote stuck with me...

"The story said [the princess] was a prisoner. But that wasn't totally true because she had hope, and whenever you have hope, you're never really anybody's prisoner."

There are so many kinds of captivity. The Israelites, Apostles and early Christians knew what it was like to be literally taken captive. The people Jesus had healed tasted the captivity of blindness, lameness, disease, sickness, death etc. People taste captivity of circumstances. Captivity of perspective (seeing things a certain way). Captivity of SIN.

Though time has changed significantly, humankind still suffers these things. They are all a kind of death, which is the wage of sin. In every circumstance, there are very human reasons to despair.

Why don't we despair? Why do we hope?

Because when Christ is in you, and when He is your hope (Col 1:27), you are no one's prisoner. Do you hear that? Do you grasp it? It doesn't mean our circumstances change...the princess was still "captive". But she wasn't a captive. Her life, hope, heart, future, weren't based on her captivity any longer. They were based on something greater than the bars and chains.

Is your life, your hope, your heart, your future...are they based on Christ alone?

Not what He can do for you. Are they in HIM and what He's already done?

I remember my chains...I'm fully aware of all of them.

Yet I insist on remembering something else, and because of it I'm filled with hope:

Because of the great love of my Savior,

I am not captivated.

His compassion never fails, and His mercy is new every morning; great is His faithfulness.

I remind myself that my life, my hope, my heart and my future is based on the Risen Christ, and I will wait and hope in Him.

~Lamenations 3:19-24 (in my own words)

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

~Romans 8:1

I've been Sugar Doll-ed!

Sweet Mrs. Chloe at trying to throw my arms around the world... gave me my first ever blogger award...isn't she sweet?? I'm so excited! I never thought I would be given one of these because I don't have a great blog following, I don't post very often, and I don't blog-hop as much as I would like. It's neat how on the world (didja catch that, the WHOLE WIDE WORLD) wide web, you can meet kindred spirits. You would love Chloe's posts--her sense of humor and perspective on her daily-to-do's brighten my day...stop by and see her sometime.

What I am to do is post 10 things about myself, and award my favorite bloggers. :) I'm having a hard time thinking of things to write, so it may be COMPLETELY random, but real...which I believe is the nature of it anywho. :) Here it goes:

1) Something I enjoy: Anne of Green Gables. I read some of the books growing up (I would love to finish that series sometime), and watched the movies in my early teen years. Those movies still make me laugh and cry! They are squeaky-clean too, which is rare these days. I recently watched them again, and I've found that I'm alot like Anne in the way I perceive and respond to things. Don't know if that's good or bad...especially in the love-life department, ahem.

2) Something that changed my life: Central Mexico. When I was young, I begged God to never make me a missionary (thanks to persecution/martyrdom stories). As I've gotten older, I've been drawn to it. I was able to go to Mexico for my first mission trip last year and it changed me in this way...we are called to one mission field: wherever our feet are. Whether it is here in my hometown/workplace/school, or on foreign soil, my heart for mission work should be based on my heart-in-love with Jesus Christ and sharing Him. :) God opens doors and nudges us here and there, but I don't think the "heart" of it should change with geography. :)

3) Something I find funny: my 5 year old sister Jaelyn (see pic from previous post). I wish you could meet her! She is positively hilarious. She is a drama queen and her sarcasm capacity grows by the day. I could write a book on the many funny things she says!

4) Something I want: I would really like to be married and have little ones one day. I would like to make a home, and have my own kitchen. I would even want the fires and tears that come with all this.

5) Something I confess: I sometimes struggle with #4. Thanks to my gracious, gracious, gracious God, I've never fallen into "the depths of despair" (aforementioned Anne quote). And because of that grace, I may tend to have a "mask" that says I don't struggle in this department. But my friend, I do indeed. I've had my heart broken. And my hopes deferred. Then again. And yet again. I am so happy at home, and content with where the Lord has me. But I confess, while I try my hardest to be strong and remember my God is in control, once in awhile, there comes a day to cry about this. :) Maybe I'm just a woman that way. His grace is sufficient for me (and for you).

6) Something that rocks my socks: the students in our youth group. I never would have thought I would be able to work with teenagers and keep my sanity and most of my hair. But they make me laugh. They are patient with my insufficiencies. They help me remember the important things--about God and life--and teach me more than I could ever teach them. I wish you could meet Levi, or talk to AJ and Jessi. I wish you could play Star Wars Trivial Pursuit with Alex. I wish you could be prayed for by Tekoa. I wish your day could be brightened by Missy, or be encouraged by Emily.
There's many MORE of them, and they all would rock your socks too. :)

7) Something that confuses people: I am a living paradox, let me tell you.
--I thrive on organization; it comes with being the eldest child, and a woman. My desk and it's contents are an absolute mess at the moment.
--I think things through. I am incredibly spontaneous.
--I would love to fellowship (or "church") in homes/spontaneously, rather than in church buildings. Yet the Lord has led me to fellowship/serve at a church in my hometown.
--I would love to be married. I have considered celebacy too.
--I share my opinions. I strongly dislike, and avoid, controversy.
--I'm on top of things. I tend to do things last minute.
Stuff like that, ya know?

8) Something that makes me so happy: early mornings, just before the sun rises. Everywhere, there are people awake and buzzing. Animals have been out and about long before you. But that stillness...indescribable. The air, the soundlessness, the sunrise...it's quietly liberating. :)

9) Something that I currently find positively amazing: a combination of the Holy Spirit and the book of Romans. The world can have this world. Please, just give me Christ. Check them out, you will love them both.

10) Something I'm thankful for: for you, dear friend. :) I can't believe you made it through this ramble of rambleness. Wellgeethanks for bearing with me.

I award:

Jen at Ranch Girl Diaries

Ash at once upon a dreamer...

Angie at From Center to Circumference

M at Musings of a Ranch Wife

I would award Chloe

or

LeAnna at Thoughts n Whatnots

but they have been awarded. :)