But I have to give you a little Jen history first, 1) because history is important in every story and 2) since our Creator is such a good Author in everything He does, there are details that make the rest of the story so much better. :)
Every girl has a plan...
I think nearly every single girl who looks forward to falling in love usually has a mental picture of how they would like it to happen, right? Maybe they pre-plan or picture little details like: he has to ask her Dad's permission to pursue/marry her. He has to have a job and a plan! He has to be tall, he has to be older than her, he has to love Christ, and so on.
Like most, I had a plan with expectations.
I had read the courtship books, set my standards high, knew my "list" of deal-makers and deal-breakers;
I had the purity ring, I had the godly Dad with a .22...
I mean, didn't that make me Swiss-Army-Super-Fetching-wife potential?
I thought all that was CODE for the perfect, instant, courtship, engagement and marriage package.
On top of all that, I truly desired to fill my season of singleness with my God--knowing Him, loving Him, serving Him, and ministry/mission work wherever I could. In the back of my mind, I figured "the one" would come when I was in my spiritual prime--when my relationship with God and my life were "full".
God always has a better one.
Singleness is such a bittersweet season. Sweet because during that time, I fell deeply in love with my Abba; it tested my love and trust in Him in amazing ways. There's truly a richness to a season, or a lifetime, of singleness wholly devoted to Christ. Of course any life wholly devoted to Christ is beyond rich, but singleness just has a different richness. :)
It's crossed my mind to write a book about "what the courtship books didn't tell me." Because nothing ever happened like I had once hoped or expected...
My first courtship was very near engagement, but it ended in heartbreak and bitter feelings. It was a scenario that "should have been" perfect. The guy grew up in a family like mine, with similar upbringings and similar dreams. Soon though, something simply "wasn't right" and I began to realize that the situation wasn't as perfect as I had thought. My Jane Austen expectations were dashed.
2 years later, my second courtship was with Craig. It lasted a month, and we both agreed that it was the best relationship both had ever been in; full of mutual respect and Christ-centered intentions. But hopes were deferred again when we realized we had differing theologies. We ended it on good terms, but soon lost contact.
A few months following, my third relationship attempt had so many reasons why it needed to end; we weren't on the same page about many things, standards being one of them. But differing theology was what made the final decision. That relationship ended bitterly, 5 months before Craig came back into the picture.
By now, I felt spiritually numb--in NO way ready for a godly relationship, according to my own standards. My spiritual unhealthiness was partly due to the last relationship, and a general idleness and idolotry I'd brought upon myself.
I distinctly remember being curled up in a ball on my closet floor sobbing, more heartbroken about my heart being invested in vain yet again, and worn out from relationship attempts altogether. I never dated casually--all of it was full-heart-investments with prayer and careful consideration. So each one seemed to completely crush any hopes. I pleaded with God to either let the next man be my husband, or close all opportunities/desires completely.
Little did I know that in a few short months I would be engaged to a wonderful, godly man, and married to him in less than a year. I'm so very thankful that my Abba Father has higher ways, and higher thoughts, than I...
(to be continued)
The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.
Proverbs 16:9
This made me smile, because I walked thru so much with you. Brought back memories of some of our phone conversations over the past few years, the times I prayed and prayed and PRAYED for direction for my sweet Jen, and reminds me again of His faithfulness. Love, love, love it.
ReplyDeleteI had forgotten we share a special date! Love you, sister friend. :)
thanks for sharing this, Jen. I really needed it today. I would love to hear more on the subject via private email if that is okay. I have a similiar situation to the first relationship of yours, so I would love to hear your counsel and advice from someone who has gone through it. If you feel comfortable, I'd love to talk to you about it sometime. I'm in the middle of things and so I'm kinda at a loss as to what to do, where to go, etc. :)
ReplyDeleteI have missed you and your posts! Looking forward to hearing more of your story!
I think it is pretty amazing that we both met our husbands to be on June 17! How fun! I'm really looking forward to reading your story, too. Are you going to share it with us on YLCF.org as well? :)
ReplyDeleteHow sweet. I love hearing how God brings people together!
ReplyDeleteGod always has a plan for us... even if it's hard to see through the heartache and tears. So happy for you two!
ReplyDeleteJune must be a special month! :)
My parents were married on June 18th and are celebrating 22 years today.
Hey Jen! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and the encouraging comment! I've had so much fun looking through your blog =D I saw that you're currently reading "One Thousand Gifts." I read it earlier this year and absolutely loved it! Definitely a must read for the year. And congrats on your pregnancy! Yea!
ReplyDeleteMy first relationship was almost the same as yours. Seemed "perfect", but the spark wasn't there. He was ready to marry me a heartbeat, but I just couldn't do it. It ended as well as it could... :(
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to hear the rest of the story!!!
I loved this post - it's something I needed to hear as a single Christian girl "of marrying age". :)
ReplyDeleteI loved what you said about being in a relationship and falling in love with God while being single. I really need to work on that instead of trying to satisfy other peoples and socities expecations that i should be dating and looking for husband.
so far your story is amazing and obviously god directed! :)