Workday thoughts...

"...whatever you do, in word or deed,

do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,

giving thanks to God the Father through him."

~Colossians 3:17

"Christ has lifted the curse of work. 

He has replaced anxious toil with TRUST in God's promise

to supply our needs (Philippians 4:19)

and has thus awakened in us a different passion in our work.

We turn with joy to the call of Jesus: 

Seek the kingdom of God first and his righteousness

and the food that perishes will be added to you.

Labor to love people and honor God.

Think of new ways that your work can bless people.

Stop thinking mainly of profitablility,

and think mainly of how helpful your service can become."

~John Piper

Don't Waste Your Life

Something about my mama...

I've been thinking about my Mom alot lately, and more particularly something about her that I love.  I don't know if it comes to mind because I'm becoming a Mom myself?  Or because I'm super hormonal? :)  No matter what it is that keeps triggering me to think about this particular thing my Mother does, I just can't ignore that I've thought about it ALOT lately.

And it makes me tear up, usually while I'm putting away loads of laundry or washing a ton of dishes.

What is this thing that my Mother does?

Or rather, this thing that she seems to NEVER do?

Complain.

I truly never hear my Mom complain.
Anything from murmuring and grumbling, to full blown I-hate-the-world complaints--I never hear her utter them.  (She may very well do it, I just can't recall a single instance!)
Is this something she prays against daily? 
Is it something she's convicted by? 
Does she try her darndest NOT to do it?
I have no idea, I've never asked her.

The example that keeps coming to mind always happened when I was slacking in my responsibilities at home.  If it was my responsibility to wash the piles of dishes, yet in the sink they sat...and they sat...and they sat...eventually I would finally come to an empty sink and every dish washed.  Mom would do them.
When I would apologize, without an ounce of bitterness or sarcasm she would say something like, "It's okay, sweetie--don't worry about it."  Ouuuch?
Even when I fully deserved to have those dishes thrown back in my face at a later date, she never ever mentioned them.
If I let the dirty hamper sit too long, she would carry them to the washroom.
If I left the living room a disaster when it was my turn to clean it, she would clean it.
If I left dinner half-cooked, she would finish it.
Never a complaint was uttered, and it was never used for leverage against me later.

Most hardcore Moms, myself included, would think that would have made me lazy and prone to let others do work for me if I waited long enough.  That could have very-well happened, but thankfully it left a lifelong impression on me.  Instead of leaving her to do the work for me, it made me want to work harder, complain and procrastinate less, and even joyfully pick up where others may be slacking. (still working on this...:D )

Lately when I look at...

my piles of laundry,

my piles of dishes,

my grocery list,

my scummy bathroom,

my need to organize...

I think of Mom with thankful tears.  She literally has ten times more than I do (7 kids!), and is doing her best without complaints...and possibly for the siblings of mine that are slacking today.

Mom certainly isn't perfect--she actually feels like a failure most of the time.  She doesn't always get everything done, her house isn't always spotless, and her lists aren't always tackled.  So I hope this doesn't give you that Proverbs 31 guilt, cause it doesn't for me. :)  But next time I look at that sink of dishes, I'm a little more thankful for them...and it makes me pray I can learn not to complain when I do my best, and pass that on to my little ones too. :)

People

I've been so amazed by people lately.  The way God made us, and how we act and react to one another is so incredible (and can be heartbreaking).  I wanted to share some things I've observed and experienced with people lately...

• How we wake up everyday, and take for granted the fact that our loved ones are breathing.  We go about our day with people God has given us to share a roof with, maybe not thinking about how awesome it is to have them with us.  I don't know if your home is a peaceful one...but even if your relationships are hard, don't take for granted that you have people with you.  People that have potential to be cherished daily (and ministered to--our family is our 1st mission field).
• The body of Christ.  Even though I know that "church" is not a building or a program, and that it's the people, I still find myself in a routine of going to church, not being the church.  But the BODY is so amazing!  I've had "church" on the phone with a brother in Christ, with my small-group Bible study, during LeAnna's visit, and with my Mom and Daddy late at night.  And by whatever means--congregating at our buildings, Facebook, Blog, phone, in-person--they have been quick and SINCERE to respond to cries for prayer.  I even know of dear people I don't fellowship with regularly, but I know they love me and pray for me.  That is overwhelming.
• It's wonderful to know that people aren't limited to just my circle, just my scope.  They are every nation, tribe and tongue.  People--colors, cultures, languages--are beautiful.  And we need each other...we all hurt the same, seek the same, and NEED the same.

We hurt each other too, and our reactions aren't always so gracious.  Our families and Christian brethren can also be the most hurtful of circles.  But that's another amazing thing about the human being that God has created.  We aren't perfect...and we have to learn to love the imperfect by the same grace we want to be loved.
Something I think is soooo neat to think about...
Church isn't about the program.  Missions aren't about tourism.  Homes aren't about material things.  And Blogging isn't about words. :)  It's about people...and I think people are so cool.

P.S. 1 day til we leave for Kenya...:)
Sorry I haven't been able to share about this at all, but there's a tenative scheduled post. <3

Something that makes me so thankful, I cry...

Just close your eyes and listen. :)
If you have ever, in faith, cast your life on the mercy of Christ, this song will make you thankful.
If you never have, take these words as a testimony of many who have done it before you--they are true.
I would recomend just listening, but the lyrics are here if you'd like to read along.

Wounded...

A whole month after Passion 2010, here I am clacking to tell you all the good things that happened that week.  Before I can give you the full story of what God revealed to me, I have to give you a little 2009 history...cause it just makes the story better. :)

For me, 2009 was the year of spiritual wounding.
Ever had a season like that?
In my life, I've never experienced so many different Christian doctrines and diversity in such a short amount of time as I did last year.  The things that believers of Christ argue over, stand upon, preach, judge others for, or claim as Scriptural truth etc, are enough to either make you rejoice, make you sick to your stomach, make you weep, or make your blood boil.  Last year was ALOT of all of that for me.  Either I couldn't embrace one's doctrine, or I couldn't embrace their way of presenting it (even if it was sound).  I believe that a person can be wrong with the way they are right? (even me).

Because of this attack on truth for me, my heart was broken and I began to grow petrified to read the Word.  What if MY interpretation was wrong?  How could I even assume I understand the things of God?  I was now skeptical of what I was taught, of any preacher, any speaker, any song, any article, etc. 
Even ones that I once gleaned truth from, I was afraid to listen to anymore.  Walking into a Christian bookstore was out of the question for me!  There's so many teachers, authors, speakers, music--all claiming the truth of God, but all saying (some enforcing) something different.  I never felt swayed by any of them, but I was deeply wounded by it all. 
All I held on to was WHO I knew my God was/is...not what people told me, but who He had proven Himself to be already.  I just knew that He is truth, and if I could ever only utter that explanation for anything, I would be okay.

Because of this, I was also afraid of Passion.  I went into it fearful of the speakers, and of the heart of the conference.  I wondered if it would be commercialized, showy, fake, and full of even more wounding diversity and doctrine.  I went into it praying for truth; to see God, even if my heart was hardened.  I very nearly backed out and didn't go.  But I am very thankful that I didn't. :)

To be continued...

"I want you to know, brothers, that the gospel I preached is not something that man made up.  I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it; rather I received it by revelation from Jesus Christ..."

--Paul (Galatians 1:11-12)

Christmastime from my world...(and a Christmas card!)

Wow, it's Christmas time?! :) Growing up, there were few Christmases that we got big presents. Because there is so many of us, presents haven't been a big thing at Christmastime. Mom and Dad didn't put up a tree, and we didn't always have stockings. We kids never believed in Santa Claus, and were humorously cautious around our Santa-believing friends--we didn't want to spoil it for them. :)
When we were young, Dad shared with us the origins of the Christmas holiday. If you Wikipedia them, it may cause you to want to throw December 25th out the window. But though these facts of my childhood may cause people to think we were poor, deprived little children, we've always been very thankful and never felt deprived. My family celebrates Christmas in traditional ways, and the lack of trees and presents have helped us remember what it's really all about. What everything is really all about. ;)
Now I love trees and presents! I got to decorate 2 trees this year (at a nursing home and at church) for the first time, and it's so much fun. Especially when you do it with family and friends. Also, Mom has put out two small ceramic trees that were recently-given heirlooms. And this year Jen's credit card wanted to do some bigger-than-usual presents. :)

One tradition we always look forward to is baking our cookies (I didn't get to take pictures this year, it was crazy). Before we moved to the country, we had a sweet neighbor lady who made the BEST unfrosted sugar cookies and brought them to us every Christmas. When we moved, she gave us the recipe, and we continued her tradition. For 6 years, we've baked several dozen and delivered them door-to-door to our neighbors. It's SO fun to do together! This year was the first year we caroled at delivery, haha.

This year, Christmas songs have been different for me. I've related Christmastime to songs like O The Wonderful Cross, O Glorious Day, Sweetly Broken, & O How He Loves Us. Or lyrics that hit on the nose like O Holy Night:

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appear’d and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn...

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother,
And in His name all oppression shall cease.

No matter what time of year, it's Christmas when I remember the UNFATHOMABLE love of God demonstrated in this...

That while I laid in sin and error, and a slave to my birth-nature that is an enemy of God...

Christ died for me.

Do you relate to the weary world rejoicing? I do, my friend. Because based on my merits, where I shouldn't have HOPE...I DO I DO I DO.

I pray your Christmas is a wonderfully blessed one as you get together with your friends and family. And if Christmas is a difficult time for you, go to Thoughts n Whatnots--LeAnna reminds us that not everyone gets to wholeheartedly rejoice. But I pray joy and peace for you, of the Christ-kind. The peace that passes understanding and the joy that is your strength.

Remember for Whom we celebrate. :)

On Captivity...and Hope

A few things really blessed me today, my friend...

I sat down to blog, but nothing was coming. I had thoughts about flipping the calendar yet again, and Thanksgiving afterthoughts--but writer's block was keeping them secure, wherever they were. So...I closed out Blogger yet again, letting another day go without posting. ;)

But then I actually flipped my calendar.
My calendar is from The Challenge Farm, a mission/refuge-home in Kenya, Africa. They offer a Christian home, education, food and care to children as an alternative to living on the streets. Each month has pictures of the children, the staff alongside them, and Swahili words/phrases.
It tugs at your heart, let me tell you.
Lord willing, I may join a small team to minister at Challenge in the summer of 2010. I am extremely humbled at even the thought! I will keep you posted on this. ;)

THEN...I logged into Twitter, and learned that December 1st is World Aids Day. So I Googled it. There are HIV/AIDS statistics all over the web today, and all of them are heartbreaking. Here are just a couple of my findings...
--Africa has (estimated) 14 million children orphaned by HIV/AIDS.
--A regional estimate for 2008 said that world-wide there was 33.4 million adults & children living with HIV/AIDS...22.4 million were in sub-saharan Africa.

Pastor's message on Sunday was about hope. He shared that alot times we put pressure on hope, and not Whom we hope in. He used a clip from the movie The Tale of Despereaux, and this quote stuck with me...

"The story said [the princess] was a prisoner. But that wasn't totally true because she had hope, and whenever you have hope, you're never really anybody's prisoner."

There are so many kinds of captivity. The Israelites, Apostles and early Christians knew what it was like to be literally taken captive. The people Jesus had healed tasted the captivity of blindness, lameness, disease, sickness, death etc. People taste captivity of circumstances. Captivity of perspective (seeing things a certain way). Captivity of SIN.

Though time has changed significantly, humankind still suffers these things. They are all a kind of death, which is the wage of sin. In every circumstance, there are very human reasons to despair.

Why don't we despair? Why do we hope?

Because when Christ is in you, and when He is your hope (Col 1:27), you are no one's prisoner. Do you hear that? Do you grasp it? It doesn't mean our circumstances change...the princess was still "captive". But she wasn't a captive. Her life, hope, heart, future, weren't based on her captivity any longer. They were based on something greater than the bars and chains.

Is your life, your hope, your heart, your future...are they based on Christ alone?

Not what He can do for you. Are they in HIM and what He's already done?

I remember my chains...I'm fully aware of all of them.

Yet I insist on remembering something else, and because of it I'm filled with hope:

Because of the great love of my Savior,

I am not captivated.

His compassion never fails, and His mercy is new every morning; great is His faithfulness.

I remind myself that my life, my hope, my heart and my future is based on the Risen Christ, and I will wait and hope in Him.

~Lamenations 3:19-24 (in my own words)

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

~Romans 8:1

I've been Sugar Doll-ed!

Sweet Mrs. Chloe at trying to throw my arms around the world... gave me my first ever blogger award...isn't she sweet?? I'm so excited! I never thought I would be given one of these because I don't have a great blog following, I don't post very often, and I don't blog-hop as much as I would like. It's neat how on the world (didja catch that, the WHOLE WIDE WORLD) wide web, you can meet kindred spirits. You would love Chloe's posts--her sense of humor and perspective on her daily-to-do's brighten my day...stop by and see her sometime.

What I am to do is post 10 things about myself, and award my favorite bloggers. :) I'm having a hard time thinking of things to write, so it may be COMPLETELY random, but real...which I believe is the nature of it anywho. :) Here it goes:

1) Something I enjoy: Anne of Green Gables. I read some of the books growing up (I would love to finish that series sometime), and watched the movies in my early teen years. Those movies still make me laugh and cry! They are squeaky-clean too, which is rare these days. I recently watched them again, and I've found that I'm alot like Anne in the way I perceive and respond to things. Don't know if that's good or bad...especially in the love-life department, ahem.

2) Something that changed my life: Central Mexico. When I was young, I begged God to never make me a missionary (thanks to persecution/martyrdom stories). As I've gotten older, I've been drawn to it. I was able to go to Mexico for my first mission trip last year and it changed me in this way...we are called to one mission field: wherever our feet are. Whether it is here in my hometown/workplace/school, or on foreign soil, my heart for mission work should be based on my heart-in-love with Jesus Christ and sharing Him. :) God opens doors and nudges us here and there, but I don't think the "heart" of it should change with geography. :)

3) Something I find funny: my 5 year old sister Jaelyn (see pic from previous post). I wish you could meet her! She is positively hilarious. She is a drama queen and her sarcasm capacity grows by the day. I could write a book on the many funny things she says!

4) Something I want: I would really like to be married and have little ones one day. I would like to make a home, and have my own kitchen. I would even want the fires and tears that come with all this.

5) Something I confess: I sometimes struggle with #4. Thanks to my gracious, gracious, gracious God, I've never fallen into "the depths of despair" (aforementioned Anne quote). And because of that grace, I may tend to have a "mask" that says I don't struggle in this department. But my friend, I do indeed. I've had my heart broken. And my hopes deferred. Then again. And yet again. I am so happy at home, and content with where the Lord has me. But I confess, while I try my hardest to be strong and remember my God is in control, once in awhile, there comes a day to cry about this. :) Maybe I'm just a woman that way. His grace is sufficient for me (and for you).

6) Something that rocks my socks: the students in our youth group. I never would have thought I would be able to work with teenagers and keep my sanity and most of my hair. But they make me laugh. They are patient with my insufficiencies. They help me remember the important things--about God and life--and teach me more than I could ever teach them. I wish you could meet Levi, or talk to AJ and Jessi. I wish you could play Star Wars Trivial Pursuit with Alex. I wish you could be prayed for by Tekoa. I wish your day could be brightened by Missy, or be encouraged by Emily.
There's many MORE of them, and they all would rock your socks too. :)

7) Something that confuses people: I am a living paradox, let me tell you.
--I thrive on organization; it comes with being the eldest child, and a woman. My desk and it's contents are an absolute mess at the moment.
--I think things through. I am incredibly spontaneous.
--I would love to fellowship (or "church") in homes/spontaneously, rather than in church buildings. Yet the Lord has led me to fellowship/serve at a church in my hometown.
--I would love to be married. I have considered celebacy too.
--I share my opinions. I strongly dislike, and avoid, controversy.
--I'm on top of things. I tend to do things last minute.
Stuff like that, ya know?

8) Something that makes me so happy: early mornings, just before the sun rises. Everywhere, there are people awake and buzzing. Animals have been out and about long before you. But that stillness...indescribable. The air, the soundlessness, the sunrise...it's quietly liberating. :)

9) Something that I currently find positively amazing: a combination of the Holy Spirit and the book of Romans. The world can have this world. Please, just give me Christ. Check them out, you will love them both.

10) Something I'm thankful for: for you, dear friend. :) I can't believe you made it through this ramble of rambleness. Wellgeethanks for bearing with me.

I award:

Jen at Ranch Girl Diaries

Ash at once upon a dreamer...

Angie at From Center to Circumference

M at Musings of a Ranch Wife

I would award Chloe

or

LeAnna at Thoughts n Whatnots

but they have been awarded. :)

Stuff I love...

1. I love the only Almighty God.
2. I love the times when the Cross is real to me, and I'm in true awe (I wish that was every living moment).
3. I love my family, all nine of them!
4. I love autumn, and everything that comes with it.
5. I love the mornings when getting up early is easy.
6. I love the Swat Team--they're the most amazing group of young people I know.
7. I love the first sip of a Caramel Frappuccino.
8. I love the feeling of riding a horse bareback.
9. I love it when someone asks me if I will pray with them.
10. I love wearing soft sweaters (see #4).
11. I love taking pictures, of anything and everything.
12. I love it when I'm so happy, I cry.
13. I love the way my heart feels when I hold a little one.
14. I love culture shock. It's fun.
15. I love a real paradox.
16. I love my church family--not just the ones limited to my building--all of them far and wide!
17. I love it when I see the Swat Team having a blast together.
18. I love it when a song says exactly what I can't.
19. I love it when the Word of God speaks.
20. I love Facebook...a little too much.
21. I love being outside at night, especially when the sky is clear.
22. I love thunderstorms.
23. I love how near my Abba feels when I'm struggling.
24. I love cooking and altering recipes.
25. I love people who are compassionate.

This and That Tuesday

I haven't thought about this is a LONG time.
Back in the days of being an avid-blogger (betcha didn't think I ever was one!), can you believe I used to make lists? Yes I did. I made lists throughout my day, throughout my week, of things I wanted my next blog entry to be about (betcha can't believe that!).
I was always sure of the structure of my blog, and the subjects therein. I didn't remember this very funny fact until I realized my Xanga blog is still in existence on the world-wide-web. Wow...lots of memories on that ol' thing. :) The reason it's such a funny fact is my blogging methods have changed quite a bit from being 15 years old...

Sadly, I don't think daily or weekly about what I could blog about, nor do I write any thought down before blogging about it (what was that funny thing worth mentioning yesterday?). Lately, it's been when time will allow. The subject being, usually, whatever is on my mind/heart at that very moment. And alot of the time, I will say a little prayer before I even begin typing just to make sure it makes some sense. ;)

Thankfully my whirlwind lifestyle that began sometime last summer is slowing down. I have let go of a few things, minor and dear alike, and it's strengthened me to focus on what really matters in the grandest scheme of things...my Jesus. My plate is still full and I still have pressing responsibilities...and yet I have more peace and more time. Make sense, my friend?
It sure makes a difference in me when I don't focus on my to-dos. Or myself. Or things that don't belong on the Throne. Or when I don't depend on my counterfeit mercy.
I have rest in His: the kind that's new every morning.
Great is His faithfulness: the kind my faithlessness doesn't nullify. (Lam 3:23, Rom 3:3)

In light of the whirlwind-I'll-take-my-own-mercies-thankyouverymuch season...
I've been soaking in Isaiah. I just finished the 28th chapter, but today I glanced ahead to one of my favorite verses...its been very fitting in remembering Who matters the most.

To an Obstinate Nation:

"This is what the Soverign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says:

'In repentence and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust is your strength,

but you would have none of it...'"

~Isaiah 30:15

They didn't want any of it, but I sure do. The rest of chapter 30, is such a good story.

Turning back, resting, quieting and learning to trust,

Jen

Managing Irons

Too many irons in the fire, I'm told.

Not this kind of iron. :)

But I like the word picture.

I sure do miss the simplicity of being a 14-year-old in the Hill home. There really wasn't much a'tall to worry about or do. Just the horrid schoolwork or little chores. Or about ten hours of daylight to figure out what to burn it with. :) I wish I could bless every person with my 14-year-oldness, because I recognize not everyone's was so awesome. And I definitely didn't appreciate it at the time! :)

Lately, the 14-year-old (and older) heart has been heavy on me and occupied most of my prayers and thoughts. This past Sunday, Mercy Ministries came to give a presentation of their work and brought two girls who are currently in their program to share their testimonies. They offer a home for young women who suffer from abuse, addictions, eating/emotional disorders, or have unplanned pregnancies. I can't put into words the things I learned, the things I was blessed by, and the things that have been so heavy on my heart since then. Myself and six members of S.W.A.T. performed the "Everything" skit, and a local Christian school's dance team came and blessed us with two performances. During the presentation, I was confronted with the reality of the deep hurt some people face in their everyday. But the altar call showed me how close to home it is, when several girls from our own youth asked me to pray with them because they struggle with similar experiences. My heart has been broken, and though I don't know why, I've really struggled with a short wick and little patience. It's definitely stretching and challenging me, which is always a good thing even if it doesn't feel good. :)

Right now, the family is doing wonderful--we're all happy the weather is getting warmer. Daddy and Mom are working hard as always; either away from the house, with church or with the company. Phelisha and I are blessed with fellowship with some friends I've made through the mission trip last year, and Justin and Jonathon are enjoying SWAT and finally having some Christian friends their age to hangout with. The little ones are all in school and can't wait for it to be warm enough for the pool to be open! They also love church, and now get to come with us on Wed nights for 2nd Mile Club. :) Since our lives have gotten busier, we've been making family time and soaking up every moment we can spend together. It's been hard being so busy, since on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, we older four typically don't ever see Dad because of time overlap. :( But we're praying for direction on how to simplify...maybe joining an Amish church???

I've found myself spread pretty thin, and I'm praying for strength not to get overwhelmed. I wholeheartedly LOVE everything my heart and hands are in right now. I reflect daily that sometimes too much is too much, and I can easily loose effectiveness with the busyness. I've had trouble discerning which irons to accept and which irons to decline, and rest in knowing the Lord will provide for both. He provides strength for the current iron, and provision for the iron that I pass. I've just never wanted to be the one who passed the broken man...I want to be the Samaritan. What do we do, when there's no room to walk because of the brokenness in abundance?

So far I've simply prayed.

Like King Jehosophat who said, "Lord, we don't know what to do, but our eyes are upon you." So we turn our eyes, and thank Him for sufficient grace and daily mercy. Amen.

Ever-Present, Thankfulness, and VeggieTales.

Thanksgiving is coming close--and while the commercial world breezed through Halloween and seems to have gone right into the money-making-Christmas-rush, I hope we can truly take this time set aside in a year, to dwell on what we're truly thankful for. And in doing this we strive to make this the character-trait, not a holiday "spirit" we save for November, that should be manifested in our every moment.

If you haven't heard this Veggie-Tales song, you should definitely track it down:

I thank God for this day
For the sun in the sky.
For my Mom and my Dad
For my piece of apple pie.
For our home on the ground
For His love that's all around.
That's why I say thanks everyday!
--Because a thankful heart is a happy heart
I'm glad for what I have, that's an easy way to start.
For the love that He shares
Cause He listens to my prayers
That's why I say thanks everyday.

It's a kids song, but the simplicity of it comes to mind every Thanksgiving. A thankful heart, is a happy heart. The concept of silencing all thoughts of the future or all thoughts of the past, and living in the moment we've been given is brought to life again. Being thankful keeps us present...right now, right here. For you, friend, it may feel like nowhere. But God cannot be experienced anywhere else but here in this moment--this is the only time that truly exists*. :)

I've been terrible at posting, and will share why in a future post (? lol). Beginning yesterday, Abigail began a Thanksgiving mission to post everyday leading up to Thanksgiving, to elaborate on the attributes of God that have been especially meaningful this year. If you'd like to join, she has an event created on Facebook! :)

I don't know what the chances of a post everyday will be, but I will do my best. As The Thankfulness Song came to mind today, I felt to elaborate on the gracious gift that God has been ever-present, even when I'm not fully-present. I'm more fully-future...or fully-past. Yet, He's always been faithfully here with me, as Emmanuel could ever be.

With a thankful heart,
Jen

*From Ruthless Trust, Brennan Manning