Workday thoughts...

"...whatever you do, in word or deed,

do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,

giving thanks to God the Father through him."

~Colossians 3:17

"Christ has lifted the curse of work. 

He has replaced anxious toil with TRUST in God's promise

to supply our needs (Philippians 4:19)

and has thus awakened in us a different passion in our work.

We turn with joy to the call of Jesus: 

Seek the kingdom of God first and his righteousness

and the food that perishes will be added to you.

Labor to love people and honor God.

Think of new ways that your work can bless people.

Stop thinking mainly of profitablility,

and think mainly of how helpful your service can become."

~John Piper

Don't Waste Your Life

How it all came together...(our story, part three)

The evening at the concert was wonderful.  I found myself being reminded of all the reasons I had wished we had worked out the first time.  He loved Jesus and he loved the Gospel--and more than his words, his character and actions said so.  But like I said, I was sticking to my guns!  I quickly hushed those thoughts, reasoning that the issues we had before would be the same, or worse, if we tried a relationship again.  Little did I know, he was hushing similar thoughts.
Before the evening was over, I half-heartedly mentioned the possibility of getting coffee sometime.  -cough-

A series of fortunate events...

• Craig followed through with an invitation to coffee a little over a week later.  While I respected him highly, I wasn't looking for a relationship with him, so it was nice to just relax and enjoy his fellowship.  Since he lived an hour away, we were reluctant to just end the visit after coffee, so we decided to try to find a taco stand we had heard about.  We had been told that it was exactly like the ones we would go to in Mexico--late night taco runs were a tradition with the team. :)  It was another half an hour away, so it gave good opportunity for more fellowship and conversation.

• Unfortunately, but fortunately, the taco stand was closed, even though their posted hours showed that they should have been open.  We made note of the hours and decided to get together and try again sometime.
• A couple weeks later, we decided to try it; note, during their posted hours!  But it was mysteriously closed again.  So, since I was craving pasta, he took me to the best place for pasta in our area--which is a pricier and better version of The Olive Garden.  He joked later about the bill, and about spending that much on a girl he wasn't even dating. :)
• A weekish later, my family invited him for a random pizza night.  The next day, I got a text from him simply stating that we needed "to talk".  I freaked out a little.  I was for sure he would say that we were being ridiculous and couldn't hang out anymore; I nervously agreed to meet at a Steak n Shake "to talk".  He seemed nervous, and we chit-chatted a bit, until it was killing me and I finally asked him what he wanted to talk about (haha, heh...I don't play games!).
  He wanted to know if the theological issues we had before were either gone, or if we could work through them.  -gasp- I remember him asking sincerely, almost with pleading eyes.  I still melt thinking about it.  Being a woman, of course, I had already prayed/wrestled with that question; to find that most of the issues were gone, and what may be left was definitely okay.  I was still surprised that he was even interested!

We were official.  Our families were excited for us, but if it wasn't for the peace they knew we had, they would have been unsure about a Round 2.

We went on our first official date to the taco stand...which was open!  I was nervous to ask for a picture so soon, but I had this persistant feeling that I would regret not having one.  He sweetly obliged. 

(Note:  In the first courtship and up to this point, we were hands-off.  When he put his arm around me for that picture, I DIED)

 

We think it was God's providence that kept the taco stand closed, since trying for it multiple times allowed reasons for us to hang out more and enjoy amazing fellowship on the drive there.  Ironically, we didn't find it open until we were official. 

Of course, we had to give our friends and family heart attacks after that...

Later that evening, he brought me home and we sat at my parents' kitchen table talking over coffee.  It was late and my family--except for one brother playing video games--had gone to bed. 

I told him he was in danger of making me fall in love with him (shameless plug: totally stole that line from Jane Austen).  He told me he felt the same way.  WE KNEW.  After talking it through, and sharing our first kiss on our first date, we decided we wanted to marry and he would talk to my dad the next day.

8 days after becoming an official dating couple, we were engaged.

We hadn't changed our Facebook relationship statuses from single at all--so we freaked alot of people out going straight from "single" to "engaged".  But that was the fun part. :)

He "officially" proposed 11 days later, before the annual cookout with our Mexico mission team.

Our initial plan was to marry in April 2011, but we moved it January 1, 2011...

a little over 5 months since we became official.

We're so thankful, Abba Father, because we "know that you can do all things,

and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted."

Job 42:2

...the end [but not the end]. :)

Our Story (part two)

As I shared in Part One, Craig and I had courted in 2009--I was 20, he was 19. 
We met on my first mission trip to Mexico--he had been a few times before, once for 3 months at a time.  A dear family friend was the team leader, and when inviting me to join the team, he had hoped Craig and I would hit-it-off (his wife was also co-matchmaker).
While in Mexico, Craig preached at one of the churches we visited; I remember having a "feeling/voice" tell me that this was the man I was going to marry.  Thinking I was just insane, I brushed it off.  After we were back in the U.S., while I gave a presentation of the trip to our supporting church and while Craig was also on stage with the rest of our team, Sarah at skimming proverbs (Craig's sis-in-law) sent him a text saying, "how are you NOT supposed to marry her?". :)

A couple months later, he finally contacted me and asked my Dad to officially court me.  Though it was the best relationship ever, and though he met all my hopes and expectations I had for husband-material (I thought he was Mr. Darcy incarnate), we found that we had differing theologies and thought it best to end the courtship.  But in all honesty, I wasn't sure where I stood theologically at that point in my life, and I was more scared than anything.  But God knew His own timing. :)

Since I began another relationship a few months later, and Craig soon moved an hour away, and other than rarely running into each other at Church functions, Craig and I didn't keep in contact.

Skip ahead 2 years...

In June of 2010, I was far from thinking about relationships and marriage.  Still recovering from the aforementioned relationship fail, I was getting ready to leave for a mission trip to Kenya.  This was BIG to me, since foreign mission work was dear to my heart, and God had used trips like this as milestones of spiritual growth for me before.  My prayer was that I would bury my relationship/idolotry weariness in Kenya, come home refreshed and renewed-in-love with my Abba again.  Praise God, He answered that prayer.  When holding former street girls like Martha, little Sarah and Esther (above LtoR), ALOT of things melt in the goodness of God.

After I was home from the trip, I got a random text from Craig asking if I would like to join him for a Mark Schultz concert on June 17th.  Later, he told me he had the tickets, but the friends he'd previously asked declined.  He had gone through his phone contacts to see who to ask next when he saw my name and thought it would be nice to catch up and hear of Kenya (since he is a lover of foreign missions himself).  He was surprised when I accepted!  I simply thought it would be nice to catch up as well, and didn't expect anything of it.  In fact, I told myself over-and-over again that I would be stupid to fall for this guy and commanded myself to not even go there.  I planned to stick to my guns.

Heh heh...oops! :)

...to be continued, again, verra verra soon. :)

Our Story (part one)

Today (June 17) is a really, really special day.  It marks the anniversary of what started the wonderful, hilarious, crazy love story that brought my husband and dearest friend to me.  Our story wasn't planned, wasn't expected, wasn't perfect...but I really love it the way it is.  It fits us perfectly, and it's a testimony of the grace of the living God, and how He knows us better than we know ourselves.

But I have to give you a little Jen history first, 1) because history is important in every story and 2) since our Creator is such a good Author in everything He does, there are details that make the rest of the story so much better. :)

Every girl has a plan...
I think nearly every single girl who looks forward to falling in love usually has a mental picture of how they would like it to happen, right?  Maybe they pre-plan or picture little details like: he has to ask her Dad's permission to pursue/marry her. He has to have a job and a plan!  He has to be tall, he has to be older than her, he has to love Christ, and so on.

Like most, I had a plan with expectations. 
I had read the courtship books, set my standards high, knew my "list" of deal-makers and deal-breakers;
I had the purity ring, I had the godly Dad with a .22...
I mean, didn't that make me Swiss-Army-Super-Fetching-wife potential? 
I thought all that was CODE for the perfect, instant, courtship, engagement and marriage package.

On top of all that, I truly desired to fill my season of singleness with my God--knowing Him, loving Him, serving Him, and ministry/mission work wherever I could.  In the back of my mind, I figured "the one" would come when I was in my spiritual prime--when my relationship with God and my life were "full".

God always has a better one.
Singleness is such a bittersweet season.  Sweet because during that time, I fell deeply in love with my Abba; it tested my love and trust in Him in amazing ways.  There's truly a richness to a season, or a lifetime, of singleness wholly devoted to Christ.  Of course any life wholly devoted to Christ is beyond rich, but singleness just has a different richness. :)

It's crossed my mind to write a book about "what the courtship books didn't tell me."  Because nothing ever happened like I had once hoped or expected...

My first courtship was very near engagement, but it ended in heartbreak and bitter feelings.  It was a scenario that "should have been" perfect.  The guy grew up in a family like mine, with similar upbringings and similar dreams.  Soon though, something simply "wasn't right" and I began to realize that the situation wasn't as perfect as I had thought.  My Jane Austen expectations were dashed.

2 years later, my second courtship was with Craig.  It lasted a month, and we both agreed that it was the best relationship both had ever been in; full of mutual respect and Christ-centered intentions.  But hopes were deferred again when we realized we had differing theologies.  We ended it on good terms, but soon lost contact.

A few months following, my third relationship attempt had so many reasons why it needed to end; we weren't on the same page about many things, standards being one of them.  But differing theology was what made the final decision.  That relationship ended bitterly, 5 months before Craig came back into the picture.

By now, I felt spiritually numb--in NO way ready for a godly relationship, according to my own standards.  My spiritual unhealthiness was partly due to the last relationship, and a general idleness and idolotry I'd brought upon myself.
I distinctly remember being curled up in a ball on my closet floor sobbing, more heartbroken about my heart being invested in vain yet again, and worn out from relationship attempts altogether.  I never dated casually--all of it was full-heart-investments with prayer and careful consideration.  So each one seemed to completely crush any hopes.  I pleaded with God to either let the next man be my husband, or close all opportunities/desires completely.

Little did I know that in a few short months I would be engaged to a wonderful, godly man, and married to him in less than a year.  I'm so very thankful that my Abba Father has higher ways, and higher thoughts, than I...
(to be continued)

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

The rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.
2. Write seven things about yourself.
3. Pass on to seven other bloggers.
4. Tell the seven awardees of their award! :)

Thank you Miss Chloe at tryin' to throw my arms around the world for TWO awards!  Chloe is an expecting Mama, wife to a law-student and a passionate Jesus-lover/runner/blogger.  She also faithfully checks my blog on her roll, even when she knows I haven't posted anything new in months.  I heart her looooots.
We will tackle one award at a time, since I'll need something to blog about next time.  Am I clever?  Well lets not get carried away...:)

[1] The real reason I haven't blogged much.
With a relationship, engagement and marriage within a 5 month period, I haven't lacked for subject matter--and I still would like to share some fun details that are dear to my heart very soon.  But to be honest, friend, I've not been in a good spiritual season of late. I can't explain it wholly, nor know what the Lord is trying to teach me here.  I DO know that the health of my relationship with my Abba affects EVERYTHING.  It affects my perspective, my marriage, my desires, my job, my friendships--and yes, it even affects the way I blog. :)  I'm praying for God's grace to grow more healthy in whatever ways that glorify Him most.

[2]  I really, really love this man.

He is a blessing from God that I never expected this year.

My journey to Prince Charming wasn't perfect in the slightest--even though I'd practiced purity, read the books, did the courtships, etc.  I'm just so thankful that God does EVERYTHING the way HE wants to.

[3]  The Mr. and I live in a university campus Ministry Building as the live-in custodians--we think it's a pretty sweet deal, and we're praying for any opportunities God has for us to serve there (other than clean the bathrooms, but we hope to glorify God in that too!).

[4]  I MADE A BOOK LIST.  -gasp-

I used to love making yearly book lists, and scratching one off each time I closed a cover.  But I stopped two years ago in protest to all the marshmellow fluff they package in the genre "Christian" and sell.  It's ridiculous the stuff they shelf in the name of my Savior.  But now that I've cooled down, with thanks to a husband that knows his stuff and recommends sound books, you can check out my new book list here. :)

[5]  I heart Lo Mein.  Like, not even kidding, I want a plate of it right now.

[6]  First first book I've finished from my list is one I highly recommend, friend.  It's a little coffee-table-style, simple (yet heavy) overview of the Gospel.  Why I love it so much is it wasn't a overview of the Gospel for me to SHARE with others...it's an overview for ME, to be reminded of the Gospel I heard and believe.  There's a difference, though there shouldn't be. :)

The Cross Centered Life: Keeping the Gospel The Main Thing
--C.J. Mahaney

and [7]

If you haven't caught the cat-out-of-the-bag on Facebook yet...

Even when you tell only a few, there's always a chance of an information leak. :)

[in case you can't tell, those are plus signs.]

It's still so very early yet, which is why we wanted to keep it under wraps for awhile.  But maybe with more people knowing now, more can pray with us--which we request sincerely. :)

Since I've been awful with blogging faithfully, I haven't any idea on who to award and definitely don't think I could pick seven others.  Boohoo.  So if you read this post--thank you---and you've just been awarded by Jen :D

wordless wedding wednesday

Wordless [hardly] Wednesday

This isn't the only reason I've been blog-absent.

Buuuut it contributes. :)

God is good.

Sit a Spell to Spell a Bit

A is for adoption, something I really hope I get to do one day, Lord willing.

(I agree with Ash, who tagged me for this cool ABC thingamabob, and also begins with A)

B is for blog friends.  I've thought about blog friends ALOT lately and how I appreciate getting to know you amazing people.  Blogging allows me to know things about someone's heart that could take months/years of a friendship to know.  It's pretty cool.

C is for CNA, which I now AM.  My test results and certificate came in the mail last week--thank you for your prayers!

D is for Daniel.  I've had many Daniels leave footprints in my life.  Some good and some notsomuch.  This name seriously follows me around.  But I've been blessed with a couple of brothers-in-Christ that are stuck with their snippy sister: (L: Finney, my adopted lil bro, and me at Passion 2010 and R: "Skyguy", my partner in crime student ministry and fellow StarWars nerd.)

E is for experiencing the body of Christ outside of a church service.  Outside of a denomination.  Outside of a belief system.  Experiencing the love and fellowship of Christ, the joy of the Word and very little else: on the phone, in a coffeeshop, Facebook, blog, or workplace.

F is for funny pictures I find on my $800 camera that I, myself, didn't take.  Suspects under the age of 12 have taken these (can you say self-portait-queen?  There was about 100 of these on my Canon when I got back from Kenya)...

G is for [the] God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob.  Recently I read a comment from an athiest on a Christian article, saying something along the lines of never being able to worship a god like the One in the Old Testament because He was about nothing but wrath.  Journeying with the Bible Retreat, and going through the OT at about 3 books a week...I wish this person took the chance to know this God for themselves.

H is for happinessssss....there's Grace enough for us and the whole human race...ohhhh happinessss....Thankfully, Lady Gaga has nothin' on this catchy David Crowder Band song that has been stuck. in. my. head!

I is for imagination.  Or lack thereof for this Interesting letter. [skuh-Ip]

J is for Jen moments.  My friends have them.  They usually consist of forgetting items in their hand, taking 6.7 seconds to receive information that has been spoken, lack of sarcasm sending and receiving, and things of that nature.  Do YOU have Jen moments?

K is for Kenya. Its crazy how you can continue to learn from a place/experience you're no longer in the middle of. I can't wait to relive a little as I share pieces of Kenya with you soon.

L is for lengthy posts and church meetings...the reason there will be a PART 2 to Jen's ABC thingamabob.

Love, Jen :)

Life has been absolutely, absolutely, absolutely (is more than one absolutely unnecessary, since it's absolute?) nuts.  Crazy, I tell you.  [thinks for a minute] My life has been crazy for two years.  It wasn't this crazy before...whatever happened, it became my lot in life.  Maybe life isn't so busy, as much as my mind is.  Ever feel like that?  There's a whole lot more going on inside there than there is outside.

No, really, there is! :)

I've been praying about some direction with the Swat girls, and I believe we're gonna start this...

Elizabeth George's A Young Woman After God's Own Heart.  My cousin Rebekah gave me this book when I was around 16, and it was such a critical blessing in my spiritual life.  Elizabeth talks to you like she's your best friend, and her musings are FULL of wisdom/Scripture/stories on foundational things like: prayer, the Word, our love-life with Christ, guys (hard subject, there!), and just having a heart that is inclined to her Savior.  I've used it for lessons and given it as gifts many times cause I loved it so much. :)  She has A Woman After God's Own Heart as well--I'd like to check that out sometime.

The family went to the water/theme park, Holiday World, this week (all ten of us!)--got sunburned, got exhausted, got some REALLY needed family time.  My little brother Caleb is definitely my hero...that almost-nine-year-old-and-very-unadventurous-boy rode every single roller coaster...even The Voyage, which is one of the world's largest wooden coasters, and was featured on Travel Channel's Extreme Terror Rides 2 Death-Defying Drops: The World's Scariest Summits and Plummets...oh yes.  MY brother went on it THREE times.  I have the official picture.  You know, the unattractive ones they take of you as you've volunteered to basically skydive in a wooden cart...and charge you $10 a pop for.  Yep that one.

In the middle of all the craziness, I'm trying to pull my hair out be still.  Because busyness in my mind means I have a hard time focusing, getting things done, and being efficient.  Be still.  When Israel was crazy-busy with things that took their focus, God spoke, "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength..."  Such gooood words.  Repentence (for loss of focus/idolotry), REST, Quietness, Trust.  Mmmm.  Israel wouldn't have any of it...but I sure do. :)

Back in APRIL, Chloe gave me the Beautiful Blogger award, yay!  I have just had a time with these 7 interesting things...but here we go...

1. 
   
   I am exactly 1/8 full Cherokee Native American, 1/8 Spaniard (from Spain) and alot of everything else.  I could have received free college because of my Native American heritage...BUT...my great-great grandfather was onery.  How?  On the reservation, he would shoot the clay water jars off the women's heads, drenching them.  One of the husbands wasn't happy, and they had a draw.  My Grandpa won, but since he killed a man, he fled the reservation to Mexico.  Changed his name and we have no documented proof.  Oh wells.  Interesting fact though, right? :)
2. 
   
   I am dense.  I lost my sarcasm meter somewhere recently, and I've needed every joke explained.  Unfortunate fact.
3. 
   
   Music.  I love to play guitar, listen to the radio, sing, (I have my Grooveshark playlist going now).
4. 
   
   I LOVE the color blue.  In all hues, it's fantastic.
5. 
   
   Parables, analogies and word pictures make me happy.  They explain deep things so much better.
6. 
   
   It really takes alot for me to be angry.  But lately, self-righteousness/arrogance (expecially if I realize it in myself) makes my blood boil.  I'm trying to work on that.
7. 
   
   I love tortillas, and I will eat very-nearly anything in them.  Anything.

The Beautiful (inside and out) Bloggers I award are:

Jen:  My sweet RanchGirl friend I've known since I was TWELVE!  I answered her pen pal request, which quickly turned to emailing and chatting all the time, which turned to telephone convos, etc.  She's a beautiful blogger, Mama, wife, friend (and has a cool name too). :)

&

Sara: Ironically, Jen's sister!  A beautiful young lady with a heart for foreign missions and a spectacular sense of humor. <3

The end.

P.S. Stay tuned. Once I have Africa pictures to share, instead of posting it all in one gi-normous post (cause there's ALOT), I will post small entries that expound on highlights. :)

People

I've been so amazed by people lately.  The way God made us, and how we act and react to one another is so incredible (and can be heartbreaking).  I wanted to share some things I've observed and experienced with people lately...

• How we wake up everyday, and take for granted the fact that our loved ones are breathing.  We go about our day with people God has given us to share a roof with, maybe not thinking about how awesome it is to have them with us.  I don't know if your home is a peaceful one...but even if your relationships are hard, don't take for granted that you have people with you.  People that have potential to be cherished daily (and ministered to--our family is our 1st mission field).
• The body of Christ.  Even though I know that "church" is not a building or a program, and that it's the people, I still find myself in a routine of going to church, not being the church.  But the BODY is so amazing!  I've had "church" on the phone with a brother in Christ, with my small-group Bible study, during LeAnna's visit, and with my Mom and Daddy late at night.  And by whatever means--congregating at our buildings, Facebook, Blog, phone, in-person--they have been quick and SINCERE to respond to cries for prayer.  I even know of dear people I don't fellowship with regularly, but I know they love me and pray for me.  That is overwhelming.
• It's wonderful to know that people aren't limited to just my circle, just my scope.  They are every nation, tribe and tongue.  People--colors, cultures, languages--are beautiful.  And we need each other...we all hurt the same, seek the same, and NEED the same.

We hurt each other too, and our reactions aren't always so gracious.  Our families and Christian brethren can also be the most hurtful of circles.  But that's another amazing thing about the human being that God has created.  We aren't perfect...and we have to learn to love the imperfect by the same grace we want to be loved.
Something I think is soooo neat to think about...
Church isn't about the program.  Missions aren't about tourism.  Homes aren't about material things.  And Blogging isn't about words. :)  It's about people...and I think people are so cool.

P.S. 1 day til we leave for Kenya...:)
Sorry I haven't been able to share about this at all, but there's a tenative scheduled post. <3

Healing

Continued...

From my last post, you now know how hurt and skeptical I was going into Passion--almost so much that I was afraid my heart would be hardened and closed to what God could possibly have for me.  But how did I know it was God and not the devices of man?

At Passion 2010, I found myself alongside 22,000 college students.  Do you picture that number?  Google a crowd of that many people, or search for a picture of Passion 2010.  That's a masses of people (they couldn't even fit us all in one arena--they had two!)  Our group talked about how surely Atlanta didn't know what hit them, because literally thousands of college students were walking down it's streets, all going the same direction.

Passion encouraged  us to be a 268 Generation, based on Isaiah 26:8...
"Yes Lord, walking in the way of Your laws, we wait for You;
Your name and renown are the desire of our hearts."

When that Scripture was read, the mass of people roared with agreement--the name and renown of the God we serve was the desire of our hearts.  I was standing in the midst of people who desired to know and serve God.  Yet even all the way down to my small group of seven, there were diverse doctrines and beliefs.  In 22,000 people there was bound to be differences....we're human.

One of my favorite parts of Passion was called "Do Something Now"--they presented dozens of needs from dozens of places around the world.  Sponsoring children with AIDS in Mozambique, shipping Bibles to the unreached in Asia, funding cleft palette surgeries for children in Afghanistan, translating the Bible in languages it wasn't in yet, funding underground seminary in the Middle East, help with an education center for the Dalit people (outcasts) of India, Clean water in Guatemala, building border outposts to catch sex traffickers in Nepal, volunteer time to package meals to ship around the world, and even sponsoring children from various places.
Our gifts could be as little as we had, $25, $100?  Whatever the Lord led us to give, we gave with our whole heart.  They also asked every student to bring was a towel and a package of socks for the homeless shelters of Atlanta.
Louie Giglio shared about Christians, and how when we come together, we are a force for good--for God's glory.  How could we all flock to Atlanta as God's people, and not do something for someone else in Jesus' name?  Can you imagine the story--that 22,000 Christians came and brought towels and socks with them--for the forgotten of Atlanta?  As individuals, there's only so much we can do, but together, we can accomplish so much.  You want to know what happened with the opportunities around the world listed above?  Check THIS out, then praise God! :)

Where I expected to be hurt yet again by doctrinal diversity, I experiened healing.  Where I was afraid to hear doctrine, I heard the Word of God.  And where I was afraid I couldn't fellowship with people because I couldn't embrace their theology...I took the hand of my Calvinist, Arminian, (insert theology here) brothers and sisters, and together we saw the need of the hurting around the world and could do something together in Jesus' name.
Don't get me wrong--I read the Word and pray to be taught truth through His Word.  But now I have skepticism and fear peace, because where there are humans, there will be diversity.  Where there are human minds, there will be human points of view.  And if there wasn't going to be, the Apostles wouldn't have faced it, nor taught us what to do when we do.  Check out the entire letter to the Galatian church. :)  Check out Romans 14.  1 Corinthians 3...and others.

I believe there is One Way.  One Truth.  One Life.  And He is the only One way to God.  If your faith is in Him--if you are living under His grace because of His Cross, desire His name and renown, if you want to love Him with all your heart--you are my brother or sister in Christ.  The greatest commandment ever given--the one that fullfills the law--is to love.  Jesus said it would be by our love (not embracing the same theology) that the world will know we are His (John 13:34-35).

I'm still learning. :)

Louie Giglio asked people to stand for different blessings--spiritual awakening, acceptence of Christ in their lives for the first time, and other things.  He asked anyone to stand if they had received healing of any kind during Passion.
With tears of peace (finally), I stood. :)

Passion 2010 and a New Year...

In two hours, I'm meeting a group of friends to drive to Atlanta, GA for the Passion 2010 conference. And guess what? Just guess. Guess what I haven't done? What detrimental deed to my social acceptence during my stay in Atlanta haven't I done for a 4 day conference???
You prolly guessed it. I haven't packed. All my laundry is done though. So I just need to stuff in all in a bag. :D

I'm looking forward to the time away and for what God will have for our group--together and individually. I imagine I may blog about it for awhile when I get back. :)

I'm sorry I've been such a blogging stranger! I miss you all and miss being more updated on your lives. Now that the holidays are behind us, I hope to have more time.
Anyone with the blogging bug, please sneeze on me!

Another time measurement is tossed in the trash, for a brand new one to hang on the wall. It doesn't have wear marks from hanging for months yet. It doesn't have notes and dates scribbled wildly yet. I hope your 2009 looked like the calendar you tossed in the trash--a little worn and wild, marked from experiences and milestones. Because each of those things mark ground that was covered, lessons learned, character refined, etc. :)
Now we have a whole new year to look forward to. Who will you be at the end of 2010? Where will you have walked? How many would you have reached out to? How many lessons will you learn?
I pray no matter the milestones and wear marks you'll bear, that you will simply mark another year of life to praise God for! That you'll see Him more in everything around you, and have more chances to grow closer to Him.

Happy New Year,
Jen

Christmastime from my world...(and a Christmas card!)

Wow, it's Christmas time?! :) Growing up, there were few Christmases that we got big presents. Because there is so many of us, presents haven't been a big thing at Christmastime. Mom and Dad didn't put up a tree, and we didn't always have stockings. We kids never believed in Santa Claus, and were humorously cautious around our Santa-believing friends--we didn't want to spoil it for them. :)
When we were young, Dad shared with us the origins of the Christmas holiday. If you Wikipedia them, it may cause you to want to throw December 25th out the window. But though these facts of my childhood may cause people to think we were poor, deprived little children, we've always been very thankful and never felt deprived. My family celebrates Christmas in traditional ways, and the lack of trees and presents have helped us remember what it's really all about. What everything is really all about. ;)
Now I love trees and presents! I got to decorate 2 trees this year (at a nursing home and at church) for the first time, and it's so much fun. Especially when you do it with family and friends. Also, Mom has put out two small ceramic trees that were recently-given heirlooms. And this year Jen's credit card wanted to do some bigger-than-usual presents. :)

One tradition we always look forward to is baking our cookies (I didn't get to take pictures this year, it was crazy). Before we moved to the country, we had a sweet neighbor lady who made the BEST unfrosted sugar cookies and brought them to us every Christmas. When we moved, she gave us the recipe, and we continued her tradition. For 6 years, we've baked several dozen and delivered them door-to-door to our neighbors. It's SO fun to do together! This year was the first year we caroled at delivery, haha.

This year, Christmas songs have been different for me. I've related Christmastime to songs like O The Wonderful Cross, O Glorious Day, Sweetly Broken, & O How He Loves Us. Or lyrics that hit on the nose like O Holy Night:

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appear’d and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn...

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother,
And in His name all oppression shall cease.

No matter what time of year, it's Christmas when I remember the UNFATHOMABLE love of God demonstrated in this...

That while I laid in sin and error, and a slave to my birth-nature that is an enemy of God...

Christ died for me.

Do you relate to the weary world rejoicing? I do, my friend. Because based on my merits, where I shouldn't have HOPE...I DO I DO I DO.

I pray your Christmas is a wonderfully blessed one as you get together with your friends and family. And if Christmas is a difficult time for you, go to Thoughts n Whatnots--LeAnna reminds us that not everyone gets to wholeheartedly rejoice. But I pray joy and peace for you, of the Christ-kind. The peace that passes understanding and the joy that is your strength.

Remember for Whom we celebrate. :)

On Captivity...and Hope

A few things really blessed me today, my friend...

I sat down to blog, but nothing was coming. I had thoughts about flipping the calendar yet again, and Thanksgiving afterthoughts--but writer's block was keeping them secure, wherever they were. So...I closed out Blogger yet again, letting another day go without posting. ;)

But then I actually flipped my calendar.
My calendar is from The Challenge Farm, a mission/refuge-home in Kenya, Africa. They offer a Christian home, education, food and care to children as an alternative to living on the streets. Each month has pictures of the children, the staff alongside them, and Swahili words/phrases.
It tugs at your heart, let me tell you.
Lord willing, I may join a small team to minister at Challenge in the summer of 2010. I am extremely humbled at even the thought! I will keep you posted on this. ;)

THEN...I logged into Twitter, and learned that December 1st is World Aids Day. So I Googled it. There are HIV/AIDS statistics all over the web today, and all of them are heartbreaking. Here are just a couple of my findings...
--Africa has (estimated) 14 million children orphaned by HIV/AIDS.
--A regional estimate for 2008 said that world-wide there was 33.4 million adults & children living with HIV/AIDS...22.4 million were in sub-saharan Africa.

Pastor's message on Sunday was about hope. He shared that alot times we put pressure on hope, and not Whom we hope in. He used a clip from the movie The Tale of Despereaux, and this quote stuck with me...

"The story said [the princess] was a prisoner. But that wasn't totally true because she had hope, and whenever you have hope, you're never really anybody's prisoner."

There are so many kinds of captivity. The Israelites, Apostles and early Christians knew what it was like to be literally taken captive. The people Jesus had healed tasted the captivity of blindness, lameness, disease, sickness, death etc. People taste captivity of circumstances. Captivity of perspective (seeing things a certain way). Captivity of SIN.

Though time has changed significantly, humankind still suffers these things. They are all a kind of death, which is the wage of sin. In every circumstance, there are very human reasons to despair.

Why don't we despair? Why do we hope?

Because when Christ is in you, and when He is your hope (Col 1:27), you are no one's prisoner. Do you hear that? Do you grasp it? It doesn't mean our circumstances change...the princess was still "captive". But she wasn't a captive. Her life, hope, heart, future, weren't based on her captivity any longer. They were based on something greater than the bars and chains.

Is your life, your hope, your heart, your future...are they based on Christ alone?

Not what He can do for you. Are they in HIM and what He's already done?

I remember my chains...I'm fully aware of all of them.

Yet I insist on remembering something else, and because of it I'm filled with hope:

Because of the great love of my Savior,

I am not captivated.

His compassion never fails, and His mercy is new every morning; great is His faithfulness.

I remind myself that my life, my hope, my heart and my future is based on the Risen Christ, and I will wait and hope in Him.

~Lamenations 3:19-24 (in my own words)

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

~Romans 8:1

I've been Sugar Doll-ed!

Sweet Mrs. Chloe at trying to throw my arms around the world... gave me my first ever blogger award...isn't she sweet?? I'm so excited! I never thought I would be given one of these because I don't have a great blog following, I don't post very often, and I don't blog-hop as much as I would like. It's neat how on the world (didja catch that, the WHOLE WIDE WORLD) wide web, you can meet kindred spirits. You would love Chloe's posts--her sense of humor and perspective on her daily-to-do's brighten my day...stop by and see her sometime.

What I am to do is post 10 things about myself, and award my favorite bloggers. :) I'm having a hard time thinking of things to write, so it may be COMPLETELY random, but real...which I believe is the nature of it anywho. :) Here it goes:

1) Something I enjoy: Anne of Green Gables. I read some of the books growing up (I would love to finish that series sometime), and watched the movies in my early teen years. Those movies still make me laugh and cry! They are squeaky-clean too, which is rare these days. I recently watched them again, and I've found that I'm alot like Anne in the way I perceive and respond to things. Don't know if that's good or bad...especially in the love-life department, ahem.

2) Something that changed my life: Central Mexico. When I was young, I begged God to never make me a missionary (thanks to persecution/martyrdom stories). As I've gotten older, I've been drawn to it. I was able to go to Mexico for my first mission trip last year and it changed me in this way...we are called to one mission field: wherever our feet are. Whether it is here in my hometown/workplace/school, or on foreign soil, my heart for mission work should be based on my heart-in-love with Jesus Christ and sharing Him. :) God opens doors and nudges us here and there, but I don't think the "heart" of it should change with geography. :)

3) Something I find funny: my 5 year old sister Jaelyn (see pic from previous post). I wish you could meet her! She is positively hilarious. She is a drama queen and her sarcasm capacity grows by the day. I could write a book on the many funny things she says!

4) Something I want: I would really like to be married and have little ones one day. I would like to make a home, and have my own kitchen. I would even want the fires and tears that come with all this.

5) Something I confess: I sometimes struggle with #4. Thanks to my gracious, gracious, gracious God, I've never fallen into "the depths of despair" (aforementioned Anne quote). And because of that grace, I may tend to have a "mask" that says I don't struggle in this department. But my friend, I do indeed. I've had my heart broken. And my hopes deferred. Then again. And yet again. I am so happy at home, and content with where the Lord has me. But I confess, while I try my hardest to be strong and remember my God is in control, once in awhile, there comes a day to cry about this. :) Maybe I'm just a woman that way. His grace is sufficient for me (and for you).

6) Something that rocks my socks: the students in our youth group. I never would have thought I would be able to work with teenagers and keep my sanity and most of my hair. But they make me laugh. They are patient with my insufficiencies. They help me remember the important things--about God and life--and teach me more than I could ever teach them. I wish you could meet Levi, or talk to AJ and Jessi. I wish you could play Star Wars Trivial Pursuit with Alex. I wish you could be prayed for by Tekoa. I wish your day could be brightened by Missy, or be encouraged by Emily.
There's many MORE of them, and they all would rock your socks too. :)

7) Something that confuses people: I am a living paradox, let me tell you.
--I thrive on organization; it comes with being the eldest child, and a woman. My desk and it's contents are an absolute mess at the moment.
--I think things through. I am incredibly spontaneous.
--I would love to fellowship (or "church") in homes/spontaneously, rather than in church buildings. Yet the Lord has led me to fellowship/serve at a church in my hometown.
--I would love to be married. I have considered celebacy too.
--I share my opinions. I strongly dislike, and avoid, controversy.
--I'm on top of things. I tend to do things last minute.
Stuff like that, ya know?

8) Something that makes me so happy: early mornings, just before the sun rises. Everywhere, there are people awake and buzzing. Animals have been out and about long before you. But that stillness...indescribable. The air, the soundlessness, the sunrise...it's quietly liberating. :)

9) Something that I currently find positively amazing: a combination of the Holy Spirit and the book of Romans. The world can have this world. Please, just give me Christ. Check them out, you will love them both.

10) Something I'm thankful for: for you, dear friend. :) I can't believe you made it through this ramble of rambleness. Wellgeethanks for bearing with me.

I award:

Jen at Ranch Girl Diaries

Ash at once upon a dreamer...

Angie at From Center to Circumference

M at Musings of a Ranch Wife

I would award Chloe

or

LeAnna at Thoughts n Whatnots

but they have been awarded. :)

Wordless [notreally] Wednesday

The weekend was kinda rough.
Monday was rough. Tuesday got a little better. The run this morning was good...but rough. :)
And then I stumbled across this...

"When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my
soul." Psalm 94:18-19

[Happy Veteran's Day]

Seasons and Mexico Plans

Oh my goodness...honk if you're loving the Autumness. The windows are open as I clack, and I'm loving the cool air. (Sorry Banana, my fall post is late as usual, but your giveaway was wonderful!) It's my favorite time of year, but it sure doesn't last long. It makes me so happy to get the sweaters out, have bonfires and hayrides, eat Thanksgiving food, and bask in the changing leaves.
You know what's so amazing about the paradox of it all? It's not a new thought, but it's nice to simmer on it...
Fall is breathtakingly beautiful--all the colors, the weather, etc.
But in truth, fall is really a death.
It's the funeral of spring and summer's labor of growth.
Now it all dies, making way for winter's finalization and sleep. To make way for spring again.
Are we only seeing the grotesque side of our "death"?
Can we trust our Abba enough to see the beauty in it too?


Today marks exactly one year since I stepped on Mexico soil for the first time. And, Lord willing, we will be there again in exactly 6 days. We plan to visit the two boarding schools we visited before--I'm anxious to see if the same children we met last year are still there. Three little girls I spent the most time with there were Lucina, "Daisy" (pronunciation and spelling may be incorrect) and Maria. I will definitely post pictures and let you know once I'm back if I get to see them again. :)
My brothers Justin (17) and Jonathon (15), sister Phelisha (19), cousin Mary (17), and one of our fellow Swat members, Alex (16, Alex was with our team last year :) ) are among our team of 16 this year. We'll be visiting churches and some evangelism. Our heart and mission is to focus on the love of God for us, and His command to love one another. It's been amazing how the Lord is working things together, and it keeps pointing back to this: His Love.
We're hoping to encourage the churches we visit, assist the missionary family in whatever the put us to work with, perform the Everything skit during evangelism and church visits, do puppet shows, clowing and music for the children, and whatever else the Lord leads. One of our team members is a dental hygenist, and will even be giving demonstrations on brushing--we're taking toothbrushes and paste for the children too.
It's been so neat to see the team members putting together their talents to help in many ways. Reminds me of the people giving for the temple in 1 Chronicles--David praised God because God is the one who gives us gifts so that we can give something. :) The glory always returns to Him.

I'm in a current season of the Lord revealing more of my heart. When we pray as David prayed, "Search me"...I think the Lord already knows what's there. Maybe we ask Him to search us so He can share His findings--especially the unfruitful parts. Lately I've found myself becoming what Max Lucado and Brennan Manning calls the Rock-Stacking Spiritual Monitor. :) I pray to share the thoughts on Cameratismo soon.

Thats all for news. :) I will say goodbye with a prayer request--please pray for our team! We have only 6 days until go-time. My hope is that we take these last few days at home in careful preparation, forgetting ourselves and completely enveloped in what the Lord has for us to do (even if it's not what we had in mind!). His will, not ours, be done.
Thank you, and happy fall!

This and That Tuesday

I haven't thought about this is a LONG time.
Back in the days of being an avid-blogger (betcha didn't think I ever was one!), can you believe I used to make lists? Yes I did. I made lists throughout my day, throughout my week, of things I wanted my next blog entry to be about (betcha can't believe that!).
I was always sure of the structure of my blog, and the subjects therein. I didn't remember this very funny fact until I realized my Xanga blog is still in existence on the world-wide-web. Wow...lots of memories on that ol' thing. :) The reason it's such a funny fact is my blogging methods have changed quite a bit from being 15 years old...

Sadly, I don't think daily or weekly about what I could blog about, nor do I write any thought down before blogging about it (what was that funny thing worth mentioning yesterday?). Lately, it's been when time will allow. The subject being, usually, whatever is on my mind/heart at that very moment. And alot of the time, I will say a little prayer before I even begin typing just to make sure it makes some sense. ;)

Thankfully my whirlwind lifestyle that began sometime last summer is slowing down. I have let go of a few things, minor and dear alike, and it's strengthened me to focus on what really matters in the grandest scheme of things...my Jesus. My plate is still full and I still have pressing responsibilities...and yet I have more peace and more time. Make sense, my friend?
It sure makes a difference in me when I don't focus on my to-dos. Or myself. Or things that don't belong on the Throne. Or when I don't depend on my counterfeit mercy.
I have rest in His: the kind that's new every morning.
Great is His faithfulness: the kind my faithlessness doesn't nullify. (Lam 3:23, Rom 3:3)

In light of the whirlwind-I'll-take-my-own-mercies-thankyouverymuch season...
I've been soaking in Isaiah. I just finished the 28th chapter, but today I glanced ahead to one of my favorite verses...its been very fitting in remembering Who matters the most.

To an Obstinate Nation:

"This is what the Soverign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says:

'In repentence and rest is your salvation,

in quietness and trust is your strength,

but you would have none of it...'"

~Isaiah 30:15

They didn't want any of it, but I sure do. The rest of chapter 30, is such a good story.

Turning back, resting, quieting and learning to trust,

Jen

Mexico

17 days. :)

Tu propósito Dios, amen.

(Your purpose, God, so be it.)

Thursday (technically Friday) Thoughts on the World...and SWAT. :)

Jen creeps into blogging text box...cyberly tiptoeing, feeling for familiarity...'have I ever been here before?' She wonders. ;)

Good very late evening. :) It is nearing one in the morning and as I was readying for bed, I had a sudden, strange urge to "clack". So here I am, sitting in this overgrown office in the first spring thunderstorm, to visit with you. Be it brief, or long-winded, I'm so glad I've stolen this moment instead of stolen some sleep! I've definitely missed it, and lately, if I feel the tiniest of a writing hair, I had better take it. They are so rare these days, and writing is such a part of me that I'm feeling less and less like myself. :(

Tonight, my two brothers in crime--haha, ummm--joined me at my kitchen table for some good discussion and fellowship. Daniel and Steven are the two young men the Lord has blessed me with to teach at SWAT, the youth ministry at New Hope Community Church. A week ago, we decided to get together every Thursday evening to discuss the previous night, and plan for the following week. We are so spontaneous, even I (a very spontaneous person) get frusterated with our game-plans. But each week, I am blessed by the lessons and the kids, and we've been humbled to see fruit in the Spirit leading, not us. Though structure is WONDERFUL, I know sometimes that I can put more structure than Spirit in a plan.
Tonight was refreshing (thank you guys!!). We talked, laughed, planned, hoped, and studied together, in hopes the Lord would be in our midst to lead us to what the kids need the most. Since my house is generally a noisy place, we decided to take advantage of the warm weather and pray outside. Praise God, we were all blessed by that time, and afterwards, we lingered while the thunderstorm rolled in and put on a breathtaking lightning show.

After they left, I read 1 & 2 Timothy, as I studied for next week.
"There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God..." 2 Timothy 3:2-5
Sound familiar?
After our conversation tonight, my heart hurt. The things of this world, the traps, the attitudes, the training. And the things that the kids--the ones we're trying to reach--face on a daily basis just makes me sick to my stomach. What we say and instruct, how we live, how we love...I desperately pray it all reflects the power of God. The world and its depravity gets them for every other moment, but He's given us a 2-3 hour time on a Wednesday night that I pray we make the most of Him with!

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline."
--2 Timothy 1:6-7

Himself, His Spirit.
The spirit of power--to overcome, to understand His Word, understand others, heal, rebuke and teach. The spirit of love--to sacrifice, to give wholeheartedly, to be patient, not boastful or conceited, but considerate and serving. And the spirit of self-discipline...not self self-discipline! The spirit of self-discipline...the gift of His power (not mine) to keep us focused and steady in the things that are important and imperisable.

Wow...I want to build my house on that Rock, mmm?